I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
