I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
