This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
try to milk me bitch
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
