More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize