Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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