I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
