i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You ate ashes out of my bong
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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