Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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