It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize