You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize