I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Princesses don't give blow jobs
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
