Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize