so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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