His apartment number was 69. I had to.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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