lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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