do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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