I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
