I wish life had little blips of pornography
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
