Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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