WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
