found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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