And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
