farters have to be the big spoon...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Your cock deserves a montage
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
