Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
high people should be assigned attendants
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
