So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
