I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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