My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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