I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
