Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
