hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
