Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
