I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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