So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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