At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
