If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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