u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
