You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
