Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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