We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
