i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize