last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
