You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
soo... how was my night?
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