This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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