My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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