question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
