I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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