Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
