it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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