I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize