you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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