Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
