Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
