I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
