Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
