You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
