Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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