there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
