I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
