Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
