I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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