Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
