Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
