i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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