Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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