Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
