Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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