if you like me you must not know who I am
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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