Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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