Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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